Sing For Your Supper!

1 Nov

One Ring Zero with their latest endeavour The Recipe Project.

“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us…”  Tim bows his head at the dinner table.

“Hey don’t go getting all religious on us, man.  The only church we worship is the institute of
Faithless.”  Josh, Ian and Ben are less
than impressed at their fellow musicians’ turn to the light-side.

“Isn’t that a contradiction in terms?  How can you have a faithless church?  You complete and utter moron!”  Tim retaliates.

Oxy moron, don’t
you mean…?”  Tanya and Claudia suggest

Meanwhile, in a steamy kitchen, brains are being boiled.

Talking of oxy morons…

In comes a fraught looking Mr Hearst – aka nerdy-but-not.

“Pass me the pickled pumpkin, Claud’…”

Enter Chris the Chef.
Brains and eggs are served.

Head of the table Hearst and his entourage strike up on the
spoons and saucepans whilst what can only be described as the dulcet tones of
Barry White (aka One Ring Zero) sooth the dinner guests into their gastric taste

Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to play with your food?  Well, where would be the fun in that?  Peter Pan, and his Lost Boys outgrew
conventions – they just had to believe it.
Maggot-Burger, anyone?

I think I’ll stick to the Catfish Tamales.

The night drags on, the wine flows and it’s not long until the
Peanut Butter Brunettes are brought out.

Tanya grabs her guitar which she has carefully concealed
underneath the laced table-cloth.  She
hollers “sprinkle on the PEANUTS!”

“Ok, Ok, T, calm down!”
Mr Hearst slurps the remaining of his shrimp remoulade.  Suddenly aware of some frantic activity going
on beside him, Michael looks down to notice two tiny shrimps are rocking out to
the concertina.  Jazz Hands on display.

“More wine?”

An interlude starts up as the coffees are served alongside
the Raw Peach (Mark Kurlansky recipe) – with vocals that echo the similar
kitsch-creepiness of Johnny Depp in his Wonkatastic World.

You either eat to live, or you live to eat.  The former are most likely to be
fuel-foodies.  The latter are the more
gannetesque with a palate for flavoursome pleasure.

In fifty years’ time the last of the self-serving, robotic
supermarket chains might be taken over by a variation of Willy Wonka’s very own
3-course dinner gum.  Dave Hart of the
Institute of Food Research has been working with scientists at Harvard
University with the aim of replicating the very concept of our imaginations.

Eaten too much garlic with your dinner?  No problem – chew on this minty fresh
xylitol-infused cow intestine.

Talking of cow’s intestines…anyone for offal?

Chef Chris Consentino, of Rhode Island and often spotted foraying
the Ferry Plaza Farmers’ Market in San Francisco, has a bit of a talent for
serving up offal and his no bullshit attitude goes down well in today’s
postmodern world of competing culinary skills.

Forget chewing to obliterate an aftertaste.  One piece of gum and five courses later (not
to mention the cheese-board and aperitif) – includes a complimentary mouthwash
and toothpick after the night-cap.  Who
needs to eat, anyway?

Just like music has gone through a series of bleak changes over the years; soon, it seems – sooner than we think – our entire
lives, and the very things we took pleasure from – will be contained within a
capsule, a memory card or a lazer beam.

Who needs to feel, anyway?

Just use your imagination.

So whilst we can, let’s take this moment to give thanks to
the musical meal in front of us.  Hearst
and his guests raise their glasses (nerdy ones and wine-contained ones).

Lucky for us there are people on this planet who appreciate
a good meal and the careful balance of life – between food and music – for survival.

Chew on that.  Don’t
say I didn’t warn you.  Treasure this
moment whilst you can.

Oh!  And don’t talk
with your mouth full.  Unless, of course,
you are singing.  Then it’s allowed.


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